PTSID as I like to call it is a chronic condition of the mind that is caused by not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Some might classify it as “Survivors guilt”. So what do I mean by PTSID? I believe that once an individual has had a traumatic injury, it changes that individuals entire reality, their actions, reactions, and daily habit choices.
When one has lived through traumatic experiences, no matter how sever, there is damage. That damage causes either issues or lessons, that arise from surviving such events.
Remind yourself: “You are loved!”
The feeling of betrayal by a loved one. The thoughts of am I “good enough”? The truth that you could have “tried harder!” Despite the achievements, disappointments and feelings of failure. Looms in the background. Whispering about Moments you missed. Never to return.
Living with the thoughts, and memories. Often painful moments in time has a direct impact on how you perceive and react to future or present events. No matter how benign the situation.
Remind yourself, “You matter, otherwise you wouldn’t be here today!”
If the event “trigger” resembles or reminds that individual of a past tramatic moment. That individuals reaction could and will be much different. than any other event that doesn’t trigger the memory.
Ask yourself, “Is this reality, or my trauma talking?”
Having had trauma in many different facets of life makes it even more difficult to “survive and thrive”. As a male, we are trained to suck it up and keep everything inside. Act like a man.
But when, our primal brain wants to protect us from harm or death. All it knows is fight or flight.
Aren’t you tired of running or fighting? Rest.
When you’ve tried to fight or fly from too many non lethal events. Because the wiring is crossed.
I know, “I’ve got my wires crossed, but what if I can’t rest?”
One begins to loose hope. One thinks that numbing the brain will help. “Alter the state” and you can keep functioning properly. Take the meds, take the drink, or something else like that. Just to get away. Every choice, over time, has its consequences. Often times, causing even bigger problems with friends, family, or the law.
There is hope still! Let me introduce you to Grace.
When the depression really sets in. Cause it does. I’ve found that we have a super heightened sense of urgency to stay on guard. That sensitivity, often hurts the ones closest to us. Our family, loved ones, and friends who ultimately just wanted to support and love us.
My Grace defined: undeserving love, and support despite our efforts to act accordingly.
What if the trauma came from a family member, or friend? Well now you’ve got a problem. You’re really going to have a hard time letting down the guard and opening up! If it came from an enemy cannonball, loss of a friend in battle. My condolences. But what if it came from someone who you loved and trusted. How do you then feel worthy again to love, and be loved by another afterwards?
So how do I cope with these feelings, and keep living a normal life?
Depression, fear, worrying, and doubt are all part of the darkness. Those lies are whispered to us from the black wolf.
My buddy and retired LEO reminded me that when I start to feel myself throwing that dark wolf, my thoughts, bones.
To “stop, breath, and count to ten. Sometimes you have to count to twenty or thirty. But the key is to limit the amount of time and energy you allow into those scraps.” Those remnants of the past. The black hole can and will consume you. If you let it.
Is there anyway out of that hole?
That’s why I referred to the lesson abut the wolves, the other is the white wolf. The one who feeds on peace and love.
My musician and falconry master friend told me, “when he is feeling his mind slip into depression. He focuses on his breathing. Breathing in Peace love and acceptance. Blowing out fear hate and rejection. Breathing in abundance, unity, and wholeness. Breathing out doubt, pain, frustration.” ~Master Keith R.
Someone should put a study on this, but I hypothesis that: “When we focus our breathing, it focuses the intellectual mind and over rides the primal cortex.” ~ Jeremy P.
When I feed the positive wolf, the other goes hungry, and wanders off. Back into the darkness.
What are some other techniques I have found helpful!
When I am able to learn more about the peace and love that Heavenly Father has for me. I’m filled with heavenly like gladness instead of sorrow.
Master Chris S. & Dale C. reminds us to acknowledge, “Yes those events happened. But are they here now. They aren’t happening today! What do I have right here and now. Are the birds chirping, is the sun shining, is the wind blowing? I take a few seconds to center and orient myself on the present day. Then breath out the frustration that I might have inside.”
“There still is that primal feeling!” You say
If there is, you must remember that the only thing you can control in this life is you, your reactions, and your kindness towards others. But you must choose how YOU react.
Even if everyone else has left, and you are sitting all alone. Holy Spirit is still there besides.
What is the Holy Spirit trying to say to you right now? How can you be a better brother, sister, lover, friend? Breathing slowly, focus on your breathe and what he’s whispering inside.
Did you know the Bible tells us there is a friend in Jesus who stays closer than a brother? Read Proverbs 18:24
What are three things you can say, do to benefit a person close to you?
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:8 NIV
Thanks for reading, reach out of it need!
Your friend,
Jer NREMT, MF